Picky Eating: Key Strategies to Support Your Selective Eater

Let’s face it, picky eating puts a lot of stress on families. When I was raising my children, one of my daughters struggled with picky eating. If it was up to her, she would have eaten pasta & chicken nuggets for every meal. Don’t even get me started on peas! At the time, picky eating was met with a more rigid approach. Now we know that there are better (more productive) ways to support selective eaters. 

In this post we’re going to explore strategies that’ll honor your child’s nervous system as they expand their diet. I also invited my friends Leslie & Emily, who are registered dietitians with Harmony Nutrition, to share some of their professional feedback when it comes to picky eating.

As you read this post, if you feel a sense of regret or guilt about your parenting decisions in the past, take a moment to acknowledge that you were just trying your best and release those feelings. As parents, we are going to make mistakes. What matters most is that we keep trying our best, and continue to show up for our kids. Alright, take a breath, and let’s get into the meat of things (pun intended).

‘Why is my child a picky eater?’

As mentioned above, picky eating can be really frustrating to understand from an onlooker’s perspective. To us, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to eat whatever food your child is averse to. Even just to try it. But, for your child, it is a big deal. If you truly want to help your child expand their diet, you need to start with trying to understand why it’s such a big deal for them. 

Each child is unique, so there isn’t a ‘one size fit’s all’ answer. In our experience supporting selective eaters in our clinic, we usually see a combination of three reasons that are all related to the sensory system –

Oversensitivity to sensory input: Specifically we usually see an oversensitivity to texture, smell, or taste. To your child’s nervous system the sensory input of certain foods can feel too overwhelming or unsafe.

Under responsive interoceptive system: Our interoceptive system is responsible for letting us know when we are hungry. If this system is not functioning properly, or if their sensory system is too overwhelmed & unable to regulate, then your child might not receive their hunger cues. In order for them to feel hungry they will need to get their interoceptive system back online.

Motor coordination challenges: Eating requires motor coordination, specifically in the mouth. If your child has trouble controlling or moving food around in their mouth they may have fears of choking on the food, or even vomiting.

Now that you understand the potential reasoning behind your child’s picky eating, lets explore a few strategies to support them.

5 Tips for Expanding Your Picky Eater’s Diet

#1. Prioritize building a trusting relationship with your child

First things first, you need to make sure you have a good, trusting relationship with your child. The best way to build this? Make time to play with them. When you give your child your attention & time, they produce ‘feel good’ hormones that make them feel safe and counteract feelings of fear. You could think of it as a piggy bank – when you spend time & play with your child, you are making deposits in their trust bank. The more trust you have built up, the more willing they are to get out of their comfort zone and spend that trust money.

#2. Get muscle work before sitting down at the table

Muscle work is very calming for the nervous system. If you want your child to even think about trying something new food wise, their nervous system needs to be in a good place. Some ways to get muscle work include jumping on a trampoline, climbing a tree or playset, doing animal walks or an obstacle course around the house, going on a walk, or riding their bike.

#3. Have a fear plan

Sometimes your child needs help figuring out what to do if they eat something that doesn’t feel safe. A few ideas could include they spit it out, they use their fingers & pull the food out of their mouth, or they signal for help. Having a conversation with your child about this gets them out of their head and makes those big fears seem more manageable.

#4. Create a color classified food list

This is something we do when we help kiddos in our clinic. There are three colors/classifications –

• Green: Foods that your child eats everyday and loves
• Yellow: Foods that your child might be interested in trying
• Red: Foods that are an absolute no, & your child doesn’t even want to see

Once you have classified your child’s food list, start by encouraging  them to play with the yellow labeled foods. Yes, you read that right – let them play with their food. They can kiss the food, lick the food, pinch, smash, ect. This exploration will give the nervous system more information & make it feel like less of a threat. 

Don’t pressure them to put the yellow labeled food in their mouth. If they want to, by all means, but only if they willingly choose to do so themselves. There should be zero expectation, demand, or pressure for them to eat the food. You can suggest, ‘I wonder what it feels like’.., but you want them to lead the way.

Encourage exploration further with these ‘food hacks’ –

• Make a sandwich: Sandwich a yellow labeled food between a green labeled food.
• Food chaser: Eat a yellow labeled food, then chase it with a green labeled food.
• Make small pieces: Cut a yellow labeled food into small pieces.

#5. Consider the state of your child’s nervous system before you ask them to explore new foods

As mentioned earlier, you want your child’s nervous system to be regulated when they sit down to try something new. During the week, after working hard all day at school, your child might not have the capacity to explore new foods. Instead, we would recommend exploring foods on the weekends! We also highly suggest including only green labeled foods in their lunch so you know they are getting enough to eat during the school day.

Now that you have a handful of strategies to use to help your child expand their diet, let’s hear what dietitians Leslie & Emily have to share about ensuring your child is getting enough nourishment during times of picky eating.

Staying Nourished Amidst Struggling with Picky Eating

As parents, we want to make sure our kids are getting enough nutrition support. That can be challenging with picky eating! Here are some general guidelines for nutrition based on age (cited from healthychildren.org, American Academy of Pediatrics) –

Nutritional Guidelines

For each age group, a balanced meal would include a protein, fiber (fruit and/or veggie), fat and carbohydrate. With our picky eaters, we may need to work up to a balanced plate. Start to add balance slowly!

Toddlers: Ages 1-3 years

Needs about 40 calories for every inch of height (ex. For a 32 in child, that’s about 1,300 calories per day). It can be easier to focus on portions instead of calories.

An example of an average toddler-sized meal is:

Nutrient	Example
Protein	One ounce of meat, or 2 to 3 tablespoons of beans (½ of an egg, 2 tbsp of ground beef)
Fiber	One to 2 tablespoons of vegetables (1 tbsp for each year of age) One to 2 tablespoons of fruit (½ cup of fresh fruit, ½ piece of fresh fruit, ¼ cup of canned fruit)
Carbohydrate	One-quarter slice of bread

Children: Ages 4-6 years

Serving sizes for children increase slowly as they age. Here’s an example of how you might feed a 4-6 year old child the same foods as above, but with age appropriate portions in mind.

Nutrient	Example
Protein	One ounce of meat, ⅓ cup cooked beans, 1 egg
Fiber	¼ cup cooked vegetables ½ cup of fresh fruit, ½ piece of fresh fruit, ¼ cup canned fruit
Carbohydrate	½ slice of bread

Children: Ages 7-15 years

Serving sizes for older children begin to resemble adult portions, though their daily calorie needs and recommended amounts from each food group continue to change as they grow. Again, try focusing on nourishing your child with healthy portions and allowing your child to eat to satisfy their hunger rather than focusing on a specific calorie goal each day.

For detailed, age-specific guidance, refer to the Healthy Children link provided above. Below is a guide of how you’d adjust the portions we’ve discussed earlier, to meet the needs of older children and teens.

Nutrient	Example
Protein	2-3 ounces of meat, ½ cup cooked beans, 1-2 eggs
Fiber	½ cup cooked vegetables 1 piece fresh fruit
Carbohydrate	1 slice of bread

As dietitians, we understand and promote the importance of a varied diet that meets your child’s nutrition needs each day. As humans, we also understand reality! Nutritionally speaking, some days may go better than others, and that’s okay! Some nights, the only food your child may eat for dinner is a bowl of cereal, it happens. All foods can and should be a part of a healthy diet. Promoting and liberalizing food choices helps your child to develop a positive and long-lasting healthy relationship with all foods.

Prioritize Healthy High Calorie Foods

If you suspect your child isn’t eating enough to meet their daily calorie needs, try prioritizing healthy high calorie foods. This helps to ensure your child is meeting their energy needs without the added pressure of requiring them to eat a large volume of food. Start with these high calorie foods –

Nuts & Seeds

Ground nuts or nut butters are great additions to favorite foods that help meet your child’s calorie, protein, and healthy fat needs. Try mixing 1-2 tablespoons into favorite foods like oatmeal, yogurt, pancakes, or waffles. If your child has a nut allergy, ground seeds or seed butters are a great alternative.

Oils

Olive and avocado oils are healthy fats that support growth and brain development. Try drizzling ½ to 1 tablespoon onto favorite foods like pasta dishes, mashed potatoes, toast, or even chicken nuggets for an easy way to boost the calories and nutritional value of their favorite foods.

Dairy

The USDA recommends children over the age of two transition from whole fat dairy products to low-fat dairy including 1%, skim, or fat-free options. In cases where children are struggling to meet their daily caloric needs, opting for whole fat or 2% fat dairy products is an easy alternative to support increased caloric intake! If your child has a lactose intolerance or milk allergy, consider talking to your doctor or dietitian about vitamin D and calcium support.

Depending on your child’s unique needs, these suggestions aren’t always long-term recommendations but are short term suggestions that can support healthy growth and development for your child until their food intake naturally improves.

Nutritional Supplements for Children

There are many oral nutrition supplements or shakes on the market available for children. If you’re concerned about your child’s nutrition, you may feel inclined to introduce an oral supplement into your child’s diet. We recommend speaking to your child’s pediatrician or dietitian before making this choice. 

There are many instances where oral nutrition supplements are helpful and even necessary for some children to grow and gain weight effectively. However, in most cases, we recommend leading with food first and attempt tailored nutrition interventions with the support of your dietitian. Offering oral nutrition supplements can negatively impact your child’s desire to eat if they’re feeling full and satisfied from the drink. This can exacerbate poor eating in your child if they’re lacking a desire or hunger for food.

Instead of oral nutrition supplements, an age appropriate multivitamin will help fill in the gaps of your child’s micronutrient intake without taking up space in their belly that we hope they fill with food.

When to Seek Professional Support for Picky Eating

Picky eating isn’t always a cause for concern. However, severe picky eating can be a sign of a more serious health condition, like ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). ARFID requires strategic, advanced support from a team of medical professionals.

If you notice that your child is not able to gain or sustain a healthy weight, experiences intense anxiety or emotional responses to certain foods and/or eating, or is regularly exhausted, you should reach out to a health professional for specialized support. We recommend reaching out to your pediatrician, a registered dietician, or an occupational therapist that has specialized training in feeding therapy.

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There’s no denying that feeding a picky eater is challenging, but by implementing these strategies your child can improve. I know we just threw a lot of information at you, so here are the key takeaways to remember –

• Build a strong trusting relationship with your child.
• Don’t force them to eat foods they’re uncomfortable with. Instead, let them explore yellow labeled foods through play.
• Prioritize healthy high calorie foods if you’re worried about your child getting enough calories.
• Talk to a healthcare provider before using nutritional supplements.

If you are worried about your child’s picky eating affecting their development, our team is ready to help! We’ll help your child calm their nervous system, rewire their sensory processing, and address motor coordination challenges impacting their eating. Our approach prioritizes safe exploration with zero expectation or pressure to preform. Fill out our contact form to get started.

Looking for nutrition support? The dietitians at Harmony Nutrition are uniquely qualified to support your child’s individual needs and circumstances. Contact them on their website to get started.

Contributor Bio

Harmony Nutrition’s team of registered dietitians provide cutting edge, evidence-based nutrition solutions with a holistic and functional approach. They provide nutrition support for a wide range of concerns for children and adults at their clinics in Sandy Springs & Alpharetta, and virtually in 30+ states. Learn what makes Harmony Nutrition unique or download curated nutrition resources in their information library.