How to Build a Calm Down Corner: A Safe Space for Self Regulation
Are you thinking about adding a calm down corner to your home, but you just aren’t sure where to start? Perhaps you’re looking for concrete guidance from a professional in child development to point you in the right direction? We value having dedicated quiet spaces for children to use when they feel overwhelmed, and we’d love to help you create your own! Let’s start at the beginning – why should you create a calm down corner in your space?
The Purpose of Having a Calm Down Space at Home & How It Can Benefit Your Child (and You!)
The primary purpose of a calm down corner is to provide a safe space for your child to use when they are having a hard time managing big emotions, feeling overwhelmed, struggling to regulate their level of alertness (self regulation), or when they just want some space.
They don’t have to be on the verge of a meltdown to use the calm down corner, but when they are, a calm down space can really come in handy. A designated calming space can help your child regulate their sensory system and manage their emotions in a healthy way.
Calm down corners decrease overwhelm & overstimulation while creating an opportunity for your child to practice mindfulness & increase emotional awareness. In their calming space they can reflect on how their body is feeling and what they can do feel better.
When your child has a safe space to use their calming strategies they will start to build healthy habits for dealing with strong emotions, decrease anxiety & stress, and safely reset their nervous system.
Calm Down Corner Ideas: The Essentials
It’s easy to get overwhelmed with where to start when building a dedicated calming space for your kiddos. There is really so much out there that is marketed as being ‘calming’ or ‘regulating’ – but what actually works? In our experience there are five categories to consider when building your calming space. We strongly believe that you don’t have to buy all of the trendy tools to create a space that works. You can use what you have around the house (we’ve also included a few links if you need specific ideas)!
Soft Lighting
Having a low light option can help ease the burden on your child’s visual sensory system, which will provide a nice calming effect. You could put a dimmer on the overhead light, hang warm string lights, utilize a floor lamp, or even use a lava lamp (this provides a visual distraction which can be calming).
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Reduce Auditory Input (or use it selectively)
Utilize sound dampening headphones or sound machines to provide calming auditory input. You could also use a beanie or oversized hoodie to dampen auditory input.
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Comfort Items
These can include warm fuzzy blankets, a bean bag chair, pillows, cushions, or a soft rug. We also highly recommend having a soft weighted item – weighted vest, lap pad, blanket, neck pad, or stuffed animal – to provide deep pressure which is also calming.
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Screen Free Activities
Provide an opportunity for your child to use their hands and eyes together to help them focus on the present moment. You could have a sketchbook or coloring book for them to draw in, wooden blocks, magna tiles or legos for them to build, books for them to read, or figurines for them to play an imaginary game.
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Visual Aids
Having a visual aid taped on the wall to help them remember what calming strategies they can use to feel better is a great way to help your child build their self regulation skills. We don’t recommend asking your child a million questions or trying to reason with your child when they are trying to calm down – so having a visual reminder they can reference on their own can be super helpful.
Free Download: Calming Strategies Visual Aid
Need a visual aid to hang in your calming corner? Download our free calming strategies visual aid to help your child build their self regulation skills. We’ve included picture representations of strategies like deep breathing, turning the lights down, wearing weighted items, building with blocks, and more! Download for free below.
How to Create a Calm Down Corner at Home & Teach Your Child to Use the Space Effectively
The calming corner doesn’t have to be in a corner, but it definitely needs to be in an area that is away from the hustle and bustle of the home. This could be a corner in their room, a closet in a spare bedroom, or an area next to their bed. You can make the calming corner with what you have around the house, or you can invest in a few tools. The space can be effective even if you don’t have a lot of extra resources to dedicate to creating it.
Practice going to, or using the calming corner when your child is regulated. Give them a ‘tour’ of all of the strategies they can use to help them regulate. If your child is old enough, ask for their input when creating their calm space, ‘what helps you calm down? What do you think of this (tool)’. This will give them some ownership in their calm down corner.
Teach Self Reflection Through Narration
Another great way to introduce self regulation & how to use a calming corner is to narrate your own self regulation skills/strategies to your child. The next time you feel overwhelmed, vocalize ‘Wow, I am using a loud voice & feeling really overwhelmed, my engine is running on high. I think I need to take a few deep breaths to calm down.’. You could also explain to your child what you do when you need to calm down. ‘When I am feeling overwhelmed I like to take a bath & listen to relaxing music. The bath is kind of like my own calming corner’. If you are new to self regulation & aren’t sure what we mean by ‘my engine is running on high’ – check out this blog post.
When you notice your child starting to get dysregulated, vocalize your observation and help them get to their calming corner. For example, ‘I see your fists are clenched & you are working hard to keep your cool. Let’s go hang out in your calming corner to help you feel better. We can build legos or read your favorite book’. Or “I’m noticing you are moving really fast and losing control of your body. How about you go color in your calming corner.”. Eventually you want your child to use the calming corner independently, but in the beginning they might need some help remembering the strategies.
Teach Self Reflection Through Reflection
Once your child is calmed down & regulated, regroup with them. Make sure to note that you are proud of them for using their calming corner & give good positive feedback – ‘I saw how you went to your calming corner to color, it seems like it really helped you calm down. I’m so proud of you for listening to your body. How are you feeling now?’. Note that this conversation doesn’t have to happen in the calming corner.
You could also take this opportunity to reflect on how they felt before they used the calming corner. Ask them – ‘How did you feel before you came to the calming corner? How did your body feel?’. They may need help with articulation, so you can either point to visuals or tell them what you observed – ‘I could tell you were feeling dysregulated because you were using a really loud voice & moving really fast’.
Keep in mind that yes, while your child may be calmed down, they might not have the capacity for a long discussion about their feelings. Keep things brief and if you feel like your child is not engaging in the conversation perhaps the best thing to do is drop it. Building self regulation skills & emotional awareness takes time. There will be another opportunity in the future.
The Calming Corner Is NOT For Timeout
It’s really important to not use the calming corner as a punishment. I know parenting can be very frustrating, but remember that the calming corner is meant to be a safe space. If you find yourself saying ‘If you do/don’t (fill in the blank) you will have to go sit in your calming corner’, take that as a sign that you need help staying regulated & calm. If you can find a way to take a break and recharge.
Calm down corners can be an excellent tool for building self regulation skills & emotional awareness. Remember, the calming corner is a safe space for your child to explore regulation strategies – it is not to be used as a ‘time out’ tool. If possible, after your child is calmed down, have a brief conversation with them to go over how they felt before using the strategies. And one last thing to remember – you’ve got this!! Make sure to check out our resource library for more self regulation tools.
Free Download: How To Handle A Meltdown
Have you ever wondered if you are taking the right approach when your child has a meltdown? We’ve all had moments as parents where we regret how we reacted when our child gets upset. When our children get to the point where they have a meltdown, their nervous system is super dysregulated & they aren’t able to think clearly. They need our help! That’s why we’ve created a free download to help you understand exactly how to support your child as they learn how to calm their nervous system. Grab your copy below!
Want to know more about sensory processing, self regulation, child development, & more? Our resource library is full of free crash courses, guides, and tools to help you understand more about your child & how you can support them outside of therapy.
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