Understanding Dysregulation In Children: What Every Parent Needs To Know

We’ve all either seen or experienced dysregulation in children- and it’s not fun! When you have a child that frequently struggles with managing their emotions it can be really tough. It might feel isolating, and make you question your parenting skills. You are not alone in feeling this way. Dysregulation is more common than you might think, and you will get through this! You just need a little bit of education & the right tools. Keep reading to get both!

What Is Dysregulation

The term ‘dysregulation’ is commonly used to describe emotional dysregulation, but did you know they are not one & the same? There is also nervous system dysregulation, and nervous system dysregulation can have a huge impact on our emotional state. Our autonomic nervous system (ANS) regulates our stress response (among other bodily functions like heart rate & digestion), and when our ANS is dysregulated it’s easy for us to experience emotional dysregulation. 

By supporting nervous system regulation, we can support emotional regulation. It is worth noting that our emotional state can also impact the state of our nervous system, but at our clinic we always like to start with supporting the nervous system first. At the end of the day, you are probably reading this post because your child is struggling & you just need to know what to do to help them (and keep your sanity)! It can be incredibly taxing as a parent when your child struggles with dysregulation. Dysregulation, whether it be emotional or neurological, is manageable with the right tools.

Common Causes of Dysregulation In Children

There are many potential causes that can lead to dysregulation. Retained primitive reflexes & sensory processing challenges have a major impact on regulation and can easily lead to dysregulation. Deficits in our physiological needs (food, water, sleep, safe shelter) can also affect regulation. 

Retained primitive reflexes, sensory processing challenges, & deficits in our physiological needs can lead to further challenges with learning, emotional regulation, self confidence, motor coordination, language development, & social skills. All of these challenges impact self regulation, and vice versa. 

Say that your child has sensory processing challenges, which is affecting their ability to participate in social settings. If they struggle in social settings they might also struggle with self confidence. And all of this puts them on edge, and even the smallest inconsequential thing can push their nervous system into “fight-flight-freeze” mode – which is impacting their ability to self regulate. Then their challenges with self regulation can further eat away at their self confidence, deter them from participating in social settings, and fuel emotional regulation challenges. 

It can be a vicious cycle.

Signs of Dysregulation In Children

As mentioned, we like to look at dysregulation through the lens of the nervous system. When your child has ‘bad behavior’ it could be a sign that they need help. In order to understand how to help them, you will need to learn more about self regulation.

We use The Alert Program at our clinic to educate our families about self regulation. The Alert Program has identified three levels of alertness – low, just right, and high. When we say level of alertness we are referencing the state of your child’s nervous system. In a way it’s the energy we feel.

A low level of alertness looks like.. Moving slowly, struggling to make decisions, slouched posture, sleepy/tired, unmotivated, unresponsive, or struggling to get unstuck.

A high level of alertness looks like… Moving too fast, yelling or using a loud voice, tense body posture, body is out of control, inability to follow directions, or making unsafe choices.

A just right level of alertness looks like.. Being flexible, able to work cooperatively in a group, body is in control, making good choices, listening to others, available to learn new skills.

We are all familiar with the loud, out of control, meltdown version of dysregulation, but when your child is dysregulated they could have a high or a low level of alertness. Once you can identify your child’s level of alertness, you will know what strategies to use to help them regulate.

Here are some additional cues that your child is dysregulated –

Emotional Cues: crying, anger, anxiety

Physical Cues: restlessness, fidgeting, covering ears/eyes

Behavioral Cues: meltdowns, withdrawing, running away

Practical Strategies for Supporting Regulation

Get & Stay Active

Make sure to provide plenty of opportunities for your child to use their muscles. Providing proprioceptive input is incredibly grounding & organizing for the nervous system. A great way to approach this is by breaking your day up into sections (morning, after school, evening) & brainstorming ways your child can use their muscles.

Utilize Screen Free Activities

We don’t judge parents for letting their children have screen time, but make sure you make time for screen free activities as well. Activities that use their hands and eyes together can help your child stay in the present moment.

Create A Calming Corner or Regulation Box

Having a designated space for your child to retreat to that will help them work through their dysregulation can be really helpful. We have another blog post where we talk about how to do this in more detail – check it out here. If you don’t have an area to dedicate as a calming space, you can also have a box (that is easily accessible for your child) with a few calming tools/strategies inside.

Create Predictable Routines

Our brain craves consistency, so having general set routines can help your child feel safe & regulated. Make sure you keep it simple & don’t overcrowd your days with activities. Create consistent space in your schedule for your child to have down time to help them recenter. You can also utilize routines to safeguard the basics. These basics include getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, & eating enough food. And don’t be afraid to say no to things that will interrupt these routines!

Build Self Awareness Through Narration & Visual Tools

Self awareness is an important skill that will help your child throughout their entire life! Help them build self awareness for their regulation by narrating self regulation observations & strategies that might help. You can narrate your own regulation observations – ‘Wow, I am talking really loudly and I feel tense – I think I have a high engine. Why don’t I take a deep breath and pick up the living room (muscle work & tactical hand/eye activity) to calm myself down’. It could also be helpful to have a few visuals on the fridge to help teach the foundations of self regulation & remind your child of calming strategies. Make sure to check out our free visual resources in our resource library!

When to Seek Support for Dysregulation In Children

Dysregulation is a normal part of childhood. We are learning a TON when we are young, so there are bound to be growing pains. Frequently parents struggle with knowing when something is normal, or when they should seek professional support. You should seek professional support if your child’s dysregulation is interfering with their success on a regular basis. 

Is your child able to learn at school? Is your child able to get the nutrition, hydration, or sleep they need to be healthy? Are they able to build meaningful relationships with their peers? Is your child able to communicate their needs or ideas? If their dysregulation is frequently interfering with their ability to do any of those tasks, they need professional help. Occupational therapists, psychologists, or play therapists can all provide support. Make sure to check out our blog post ‘5 Warning Signs Your Child Struggles With Self Regulation’ & ‘The #1 Sign Your Child Needs Help From An Occupational Therapist’ for more detailed guidance.

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We can all agree that supporting a dysregulated child is hard. As isolating as it may feel in the moment, you are not alone! Many parents face the same challenges as you & building regulation skills take time. Dysregulation is a normal part of childhood, but it’s important to remember that frequent dysregulation is a sign your child needs support. We encourage you to read the blog posts we mentioned above & check out our free resource library for more support!